A Day in the Life
I went to update my WordPress install this morning (as I do most mornings), and this time, I actually loaded the site, instead of going directly to the dashboard. Going to the site, I saw that it’s been four months (to the day, even) since I’ve updated.
Life has been … hectic. I won’t go into all the details here, but suffice it to say that 2016 has not been my favorite year ever. I’ve endeavored to persevere, but that’s pretty much been taking all of my energy.
My most recent set of goals involved surviving until yesterday afternoon without dissolving into a puddle of hysterics. Yesterday afternoon has come and gone, and I am still in my standard form. Achievement unlocked.
I am now in “waiting for the other shoe to drop” mode. And I hate that mode. I prefer working myself into a tizzy over specific things, rather than living with an looming, overwhelming sense of dread. I’m just weird like that.
So, I think I’m going to try to take a vacation from excessive worrying. Not a long one, and I’m not giving up worrying completely. I’m just going to try to back things off enough that I can breathe without feeling a weight on my chest. So I can dream without nightmares. So I can release some of the tension that makes my shoulders and neck burn. I told G the other day that I was out of spoons, and had resorted to running on sporks. And sporks are pointy.
So yeah, I’m going to take a week off from the madness. I’m going to try to work on some of the things I’ve had to let slide over the past few months. I’m going to keep going to physical therapy. I’m going to maybe cook a meal or two. And perhaps have a drink or three. Mostly, I’m going to try to relax, and recharge, and restock the spoon drawer.
I may not succeed. There are any number of balls in the air that could come crashing back to earth and set off whole new waves of anxiety. But the effort is certainly worth a shot.
Waking up this morning was not the best of all possible experiences. My hips and my back hurt quite a bit, and I was more than a little peeved with the black ball of fluff who started insisting it was time for breakfast sometime around 3:45. I finally appeased the felines around 6:30, and discovered that walking was requiring both effort and thought, and that even when given plenty of both, the process was still both slow and unpleasant.
Thus supplied for the morning, I hobbled downstairs, and went to set up my laptop.3 It was at this point that I realized that the power cord for said laptop was still upstairs, in my carryon.
Those of you who were following along with my flurry of updates and comments on facebook last night know that I was having a great deal of difficulty finding my way to sleep. This was particularly annoying as it was the third1 night running that this was a problem. My body doesn’t have much in the way of reserves to draw upon, and it really needs to be able to recharge through sleep. Often more than once per day. Any significant drop in the aggregate amount of sleep I get in a 24 hour period generally leads to an abrupt and overwhelming system shutdown, where my body overrides my brain and takes charge of the situation.2 These forced periods of near convalescence always occur at the most inconvenient times, and are generally a big drag. (more…)
Yesterday, after a slightly less painful (but still fairly brain foggy) morning than I’ve had of late, I rushed up to Bothell to get my hair cut by Betty1. During the hair cutting, the inevitable “glasses off, glasses on” routine had to happen a few times. (With my glasses off, I can barely read my phone when it’s 10″ from my face, much less have any sort of meaningful impression of the image reflected by a mirror that’s 5′ away. With my glasses on, it’s very difficult to cut my hair.)
During the third or fourth iteration of this process, I was unfolding my glasses when I realized that they did not need nearly as much folding as experience has led me to expect. Upon closer examination, I realized the right earpiece/arm/stem of my glasses was missing. The wayward piece was in my lap. There had been no trauma or rough treatment or anything else I could think of that would cause this to happen. It was as if the right earpiece suddenly — and without warning — broke its allegiance with the previously cohesive unit that was my glasses. (more…)