Yesterday, after a slightly less painful (but still fairly brain foggy) morning than I’ve had of late, I rushed up to Bothell to get my hair cut by Betty1. During the hair cutting, the inevitable “glasses off, glasses on” routine had to happen a few times. (With my glasses off, I can barely read my phone when it’s 10″ from my face, much less have any sort of meaningful impression of the image reflected by a mirror that’s 5′ away. With my glasses on, it’s very difficult to cut my hair.)
During the third or fourth iteration of this process, I was unfolding my glasses when I realized that they did not need nearly as much folding as experience has led me to expect. Upon closer examination, I realized the right earpiece/arm/stem of my glasses was missing. The wayward piece was in my lap. There had been no trauma or rough treatment or anything else I could think of that would cause this to happen. It was as if the right earpiece suddenly — and without warning — broke its allegiance with the previously cohesive unit that was my glasses.
No matter how startling this all might have been, the show must go on. After giving me a reasonable period of time to gape at the formerly-functional glasses, Betty finished the cutting (and shaving) of my hair. Using my glasses as a misshapen pair of opera glasses, I was able to see myself in the mirror, and did a happy dance2. The haircut had turned out wonderfully. It is very short3, at least in the back. (This was my request. I overheat like crazy.) Still, I don’t think it’s an unflattering look.4
Betty’s work was done. Money changed hands, enough hair to build a small puppy was swept up, and I made my way back to the car to inspect the glasses.
This was probably my least favorite bit of yesterday. For those of you who don’t know, glasses can be fairly pricy. This is particularly true when you need lenses with strong prescriptions, and yet do not wish to be walking around with a quarter of an inch (or more!) of heavy lens material perched upon your nose. And a new pair of glasses just isn’t in the budget right now. Also, more immediately, I still had to drive home. As mentioned above, I really do not see well without my glasses. When it became clear that I was not going to be fixing my glasses while sitting in the Elle Marie parking lot, armed only with the contents of my purse and my car5, I tried to wear the glasses on as they were.
With careful experimentation6, I was able to determine that the newly-amputated glasses would stay on my face (albeit in a somewhat crooked fashion), so long as I did not whip my head around too strongly7, look down8, or sneeze9.
I drove home without incident (even stopping to get a drive-thru lunch along the way), pulled into the driveway… and sneezed. I then collected the glasses (which had flown off my face), my lunch, and the Purse of Doom10, and went inside, where I found one of my old pairs of glasses, and continued on with my day.
I posted something about this whole fiasco on facebook yesterday, resulting in one of G’s uncles stating his dislike for women with short hairstyles. No, wait, that’s not it. He stated his dislike of short hairstyles on women. Yes. That’s it. Therefore, this post is to serve two purposes: first, to tell the story to my non-facebook-based readers11, and second, to provide images to go with the story.
- Betty is awesome. Everyone should get their hair done by Betty. Except that would make it very hard for me to get an appointment with Betty, so nevermind.
- Really. I mean, seated, but it was a happy dance. If you do not do the occasional happy dance yourself, I feel sad for you.
- It may actually be the shortest my hair has been since the unfortunate incident in the 8th grade, which involved me (it was my hair), my mother, a pair of scissors, and a river in Japan.
- (Though… now that I mention my mother, I have just realized that the new cut is well on its way to being the same style that my mother’s been sporting for many many years. This is more than a little disturbing.)
- For those of you who have seen one or the other or both, and are now in shock, my apologies. I have failed my meri-overly-compulsive-preparedness check. But, I have ideas on what needs to be added to the lists!
- Can I do this? No. Can I do this? Yes. Oops. No. Well, only if I don’t also do that.
- No headbanging on drive home. Check.
- No knitting on drive home. Check. … I’m KIDDING. I do not knit while I drive. It’s about the one time I can be counted on to not be knitting.
- Because I have control over that. Right.
- Which, despite being the size of a small suitcase, failed to have any sort of glue in it.
- Yes, they’re real. No, it’s not just my cats.