Not dead yet. I consider this an accomplishment.
I went to update my WordPress install this morning (as I do most mornings), and this time, I actually loaded the site, instead of going directly to the dashboard. Going to the site, I saw that it’s been four months (to the day, even) since I’ve updated.
Life has been … hectic. I won’t go into all the details here, but suffice it to say that 2016 has not been my favorite year ever. I’ve endeavored to persevere, but that’s pretty much been taking all of my energy.
My most recent set of goals involved surviving until yesterday afternoon without dissolving into a puddle of hysterics. Yesterday afternoon has come and gone, and I am still in my standard form. Achievement unlocked.
I am now in “waiting for the other shoe to drop” mode. And I hate that mode. I prefer working myself into a tizzy over specific things, rather than living with an looming, overwhelming sense of dread. I’m just weird like that.
So, I think I’m going to try to take a vacation from excessive worrying. Not a long one, and I’m not giving up worrying completely. I’m just going to try to back things off enough that I can breathe without feeling a weight on my chest. So I can dream without nightmares. So I can release some of the tension that makes my shoulders and neck burn. I told G the other day that I was out of spoons, and had resorted to running on sporks. And sporks are pointy.
So yeah, I’m going to take a week off from the madness. I’m going to try to work on some of the things I’ve had to let slide over the past few months. I’m going to keep going to physical therapy. I’m going to maybe cook a meal or two. And perhaps have a drink or three. Mostly, I’m going to try to relax, and recharge, and restock the spoon drawer.
I may not succeed. There are any number of balls in the air that could come crashing back to earth and set off whole new waves of anxiety. But the effort is certainly worth a shot.